England vs Slovakia - how do they "really" measure up?

So Nil-Nil...

Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land. Although we all hope against hope that this year will be our year...every England fan knows that we have as much chance of beating the big boys - France, Germany, Spain - as we have invading America and taking back the 13 colonies. But, thankfully, because we're still in the early days of the Euros we can crush few minnows without breaking a sweat...but if we were Hodgson we'd have said that 'tonight is no time for complacency. Just because you get Slovakia and Slovenia confused, doesn't mean they can't win!'

And sure enough the Slovakian's gave us a run for our money.

Trust us when we tell you: Slovakia, and its capital Bratislava is a wild place. More and more of us British lads are going on a Bratislava stag do - but for those of you not in the know, we thought we'd give you the low down with 4 different ways each country "really" squares up: their team captains; women; booze; and insults!

Captain vs Captain - it ain't the size that matters...

Ahhh Rooney, the least captain-esque looking captain. With his street bruiser face and chunky monkey physique he's living proof that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.  Height-wise Rooney is baby sized, coming in at 5"9...We know that Hodgson decided to rest him, but he's still a symbol of England: plucky, strong and John Bull-ish!

But what of the Slovakian captain: Martin Skrtel? At 6"4 Skrtel is more giant than man! This chap has the look of an extra on Game of Thrones (probably for some mean b*stard house, like the Boltons).

This really was a David vs Goliath style match up.

Anyway we know it's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it. And what we want (or rather wanted) Rooney to do is run with the ball like a madman...and score, however chunky/dinky he is.

Fitness - Babes not exercise

We’re not going to compare women in England and Slovakia...that would be unsportsman like. But what about your chances of “scoring” in Slovakia vs England? Well Slovakia has very, very favourable odds when it comes to meeting the ladies. Essentially there are more women than men in the country, that means, as of the last big survey in 2010, every 3rd female is single whereas every other male is single...

On the subject of "scoring" you'll probably know the nightspots to head to in the UK to meet up with some lovely ladies. But what about if you're in the Slovakian capital - well we can take you to the top Bars in Bratislava and the hottest strip joints. Take advantage of our expertise, and we’re sure you’ll have a top time.

Your Health, Cheers - Booze levels

Drinky, drinky, drinky, drinky - fight...or so the song goes. When we English lads go abroad we like to take advantage of the cheap pints and get loaded. But how do the countries square up on cost? According to Pintprice.com - a pint of beer is cheaper in London, at £3.90 than it is in Paris, at £5.85. But what about if you’re coming to Bratislava? Well it’s much more favourable at around 80p a glass of a locally made beer.

What about beer consumption? Well despite our reputation for being hard boozers, we Brits are fairly low down on the list of booze hound nations...Slovakians consume 74.1 litres per capita, whereas we “only” consume 67.7. That means next time a Slovakian guy asks if you to compete in a drinking competition, you shouldn’t underestimate his chances.

Thems be fightin’ words

Martin Skrtel has apparently said he feels no compunction in tackling (or rather "kicking") his Liverpool team mate Daniel Sturridge. We think the late Muhammed Ali would have given the nod of approval to those fighting words.

It has to be said that a quick perusal of youswear.com shows us that Slovakian has plethora of insults that can be used - such as ‘you had sex with a rat’ and other things we can’t quite repeat here...though feel free to check them out yourself! I think a quick glance through will show that Slovakian is more inventive than the classic English insult, ‘Your Mum’.

We have tonnes of awesome Bratislava stag activities, if you fancy booking a weekend their then contact us and we'll sort you out.